Kaleigh Newman
Life is about rooting your identity in who Christ says you are and becoming who He created you to be.
"I grew up in an incredibly loving home; both my parents loved Jesus and sought to raise me and my sisters in the church. While I accepted Christ at a very young age, it wasn't until a couple of years later that I really understood my need for the Lord.
"In middle school, I started to struggle with an eating disorder. At a very fundamental level, this was born out of a desire to control anything I could when a lot was going on at home and around me. This was the beginning of a decades-long pattern of "yo-yoing" in my relationship with the Lord. I would feel a deep need for him and walk closely with him until I felt good enough to "trust myself," only to find myself turning from the Lord and getting comfortable with the world again.
"After high school, I went to college at Texas State. This was the first time I felt a true absence of a Christian community. I functionally walked away from my faith. With no solid relationships, I began partying, pursuing inappropriate relationships with men, and seeing what the world "really had to offer." All this time, I had maintained a public image of being a Christian. I would go to church when I was home and even led a bible study when I moved back to New Braunfels after graduating college. I am so thankful that a faithful friend challenged me that my lifestyle did not match my profession of faith in the slightest.
"Near the end of my 20s, I was desperate for a change. This season had been marked by searching for life in all the wrong places and finding my identity in relationships, adventures, travel, and experiences. Although that friend had tried to love me well, I was not ready to turn back to the Lord. I decided I needed to "get away" and moved to California for a job that would allow me to travel and experience what I thought would give me life.
"The next two years were some of the loneliest of my life. Although I was seeing the world, having incredible adventures, and doing it with "fun" people, I felt unknown and ashamed of the lifestyle I had been living, fully aware that I could not last long in the world I was immersed in.
"In between travels, I would come home for several months here and there. Home remained a safe and loving place, but I still did not feel like there was a space where I was fully known, and I struggled to believe that I was good enough or that there were people "like me" in the church. On a camping trip in the Grand Canyon, I opened a book that faithful friend shared with me years ago and read it in one sitting. Something in me began to shift as I read these pages and was reminded of God's unconditional love for me and all sinners; I knew that it was time to go home.
"When I moved back, I was invited to the Springs by a friend who had gotten fairly connected since the last time I was home. She invited me to our young adults gathering where, almost supernaturally, I found a new place to live, a new community of friendships, and an opportunity for the first time to really be poured into and pursued by people who, like me, were in need of a Savior and deep authentic friendships. Over the next year, I jumped into re:generation, became a Member, and joined a Community Group. These changes were hard, and at first I didn't understand the commitment of community or why it was "taken so seriously." In fact, I initially struggled with the girls in my first group being younger than me or seeming to have struggles I didn't relate to. However, it was through those relationships that, for the first time, I began to address the shame that had kept me from coming to Jesus and sticking around godly people. Here, I realized everyone struggled and everyone needed Jesus, accountability, confession, and deep relationships.
"If I am honest with myself, I initially thought that "coming back to God" would go hand in hand with professional success, getting married, starting a family, and my life "finally" coming together like I thought it should. What I continue to find is incredible friendships, purpose in serving and belonging, and a renewed identity that is not marked by image or relationships or "chasing the next high." I found a church community that loves me for who I am, supports, counsels, and mentors me as I grow, and cheers me on as I share my story for God's glory.
"What the enemy meant for evil, God has used for good. I now work in the fitness and health industry, passionately sharing with people that our bodies or image does not define us, but we are called to steward our bodies well as Image Bearers of Christ. I got to lead in our Student Ministry and walk closely with middle and high school girls, teaching them that life is not all about the experiences you have or the validation you receive from others, but rather finding and rooting your identity in who Christ says you are and becoming who he created you to be!
I no longer have to fight for control in my life. I am choosing, with the help of community and others, to surrender my life to Jesus, trusting his plan for my life and future. I don't chase the thrills of travel or adventure, the validation of relationships, or frantically controlling my image, and I'm not bound by shame. I am leaning into life with Jesus and am so incredibly grateful for how his church has come around me, called me home, and helped me walk with him every single day.”
"In middle school, I started to struggle with an eating disorder. At a very fundamental level, this was born out of a desire to control anything I could when a lot was going on at home and around me. This was the beginning of a decades-long pattern of "yo-yoing" in my relationship with the Lord. I would feel a deep need for him and walk closely with him until I felt good enough to "trust myself," only to find myself turning from the Lord and getting comfortable with the world again.
"After high school, I went to college at Texas State. This was the first time I felt a true absence of a Christian community. I functionally walked away from my faith. With no solid relationships, I began partying, pursuing inappropriate relationships with men, and seeing what the world "really had to offer." All this time, I had maintained a public image of being a Christian. I would go to church when I was home and even led a bible study when I moved back to New Braunfels after graduating college. I am so thankful that a faithful friend challenged me that my lifestyle did not match my profession of faith in the slightest.
"Near the end of my 20s, I was desperate for a change. This season had been marked by searching for life in all the wrong places and finding my identity in relationships, adventures, travel, and experiences. Although that friend had tried to love me well, I was not ready to turn back to the Lord. I decided I needed to "get away" and moved to California for a job that would allow me to travel and experience what I thought would give me life.
"The next two years were some of the loneliest of my life. Although I was seeing the world, having incredible adventures, and doing it with "fun" people, I felt unknown and ashamed of the lifestyle I had been living, fully aware that I could not last long in the world I was immersed in.
"In between travels, I would come home for several months here and there. Home remained a safe and loving place, but I still did not feel like there was a space where I was fully known, and I struggled to believe that I was good enough or that there were people "like me" in the church. On a camping trip in the Grand Canyon, I opened a book that faithful friend shared with me years ago and read it in one sitting. Something in me began to shift as I read these pages and was reminded of God's unconditional love for me and all sinners; I knew that it was time to go home.
"When I moved back, I was invited to the Springs by a friend who had gotten fairly connected since the last time I was home. She invited me to our young adults gathering where, almost supernaturally, I found a new place to live, a new community of friendships, and an opportunity for the first time to really be poured into and pursued by people who, like me, were in need of a Savior and deep authentic friendships. Over the next year, I jumped into re:generation, became a Member, and joined a Community Group. These changes were hard, and at first I didn't understand the commitment of community or why it was "taken so seriously." In fact, I initially struggled with the girls in my first group being younger than me or seeming to have struggles I didn't relate to. However, it was through those relationships that, for the first time, I began to address the shame that had kept me from coming to Jesus and sticking around godly people. Here, I realized everyone struggled and everyone needed Jesus, accountability, confession, and deep relationships.
"If I am honest with myself, I initially thought that "coming back to God" would go hand in hand with professional success, getting married, starting a family, and my life "finally" coming together like I thought it should. What I continue to find is incredible friendships, purpose in serving and belonging, and a renewed identity that is not marked by image or relationships or "chasing the next high." I found a church community that loves me for who I am, supports, counsels, and mentors me as I grow, and cheers me on as I share my story for God's glory.
"What the enemy meant for evil, God has used for good. I now work in the fitness and health industry, passionately sharing with people that our bodies or image does not define us, but we are called to steward our bodies well as Image Bearers of Christ. I got to lead in our Student Ministry and walk closely with middle and high school girls, teaching them that life is not all about the experiences you have or the validation you receive from others, but rather finding and rooting your identity in who Christ says you are and becoming who he created you to be!
I no longer have to fight for control in my life. I am choosing, with the help of community and others, to surrender my life to Jesus, trusting his plan for my life and future. I don't chase the thrills of travel or adventure, the validation of relationships, or frantically controlling my image, and I'm not bound by shame. I am leaning into life with Jesus and am so incredibly grateful for how his church has come around me, called me home, and helped me walk with him every single day.”