Lori Thompson
Through the power of the Holy Spirit, I am dependent on Christ alone.
"I grew up in a family that looked perfect on the outside but hid secrets of abuse and trauma. From the age of 8, I recall struggling with suicidal thoughts, self-hatred, and depression. Mental illness was a part of my generational history and would manifest itself in my family as verbal, physical, and emotional abuse.
"I had a complicated relationship with my mother and hated her for the pain she caused me and my family. I worked hard to do everything I could to avoid her anger and abuse. I did everything possible to earn my parent's love by becoming a picture-perfect daughter. Failure of any kind or disappointing others, especially my Dad, was not acceptable. I became a straight-A student, senior class president, and earned a full tennis scholarship, but no one was aware of the self-condemnation and pain that loomed behind my smile.
"In college, I heard the Gospel presented for the first time. The tennis coach who recruited me taught me about God's Grace and unconditional love. I made Jesus my Lord and Savior on that campus when I was 18. I learned that I had to do nothing to earn my salvation or God's love but simply believe in His Son, Jesus.
"My newfound faith did bring me a sense of peace for a while, but, in my mind, it also brought another set of rules to follow and someone else for me to try not to disappoint. I quickly fell back into a pattern of trying to earn my worth, even with God. As I fell short of the perfection I wanted to now have for God, the suicidal thoughts returned, and I would release my emotions through tennis.
"In college, I got into a relationship where I crossed a lot of boundaries. This caused great shame, guilt, and further self-loathing, but I so desperately wanted love and longed to have a family of my own that looked different from the one I came from. I convinced that boy to marry me, believing he would rescue me and lead me to happily ever after.
"With tennis becoming a much smaller part of my life, my struggle with depression escalated. I placed high expectations on my husband and, later, my two beautiful, precious children. I looked to them to fulfill me instead of trusting God to meet my needs, and my depression continued to escalate. In marriage, we struggled, and I felt broken and unworthy.
"After 27 years, my husband asked me for a divorce. I was living my worst nightmare. Everything I had found my identity in was stripped away; everyone who I depended on for love was gone, and I was no longer needed. I hit rock bottom. I spent five days on a psychiatric floor in a hospital after an unsuccessful suicide attempt.
"Several years later, I shared my struggles with a close friend who was attending the Springs. She introduced me to a friend who had just completed re:generation, a recovery ministry at their church. This friend shared her story with such authenticity and hope and invited me to attend on Monday nights.
"My first night at re:generation was intimidating. We met in a large room, and there were not a lot of people there. There was really no place to hide. During those first few weeks, I began to trust God again. Then, I woke up to the unforgiveness that had blinded me from my own sin. Shame, fear, and guilt built a fortress around my heart.
"As God revealed my sins of pride, fear of man, self-righteousness, anger, and codependency, I finally embraced the truth that Christ died for me while I was still a sinner. And I began running toward greater healing in Him, hopeful that the guilt and shame would continue to fall off as I did.
"I used to view "repent" as a negative word. Instead, I now see repentance as the avenue to opening my heart to God's kindness. Through re:gen, I finally accepted that Grace is freely given. I learned that the unconditional love I had longed for my whole life was only found in my relationship with Christ! The Springs became a home for me, a place where I was loved, accepted, and encouraged to "never be the same" because of Christ's love!
"As I daily abide with Christ, His Spirit continues to enable me to extend forgiveness and frees me from years of struggling with depression, isolation, bitterness, and resentment. Now, I am no longer defined by my work, performance, family, or divorce, and I am engaging in life in a whole new way. I aim to lean fully on the Spirit that God has given me, and my soul has truly felt its worth.
"My heart and mind have gone through a complete transformation. I have authentic relationships and can step into conflict instead of running away. I can ask for forgiveness from others without the fear of losing a relationship with them or their love. I can offer true kindness and forgiveness to others because of the love and forgiveness Christ has shown me. Through the power of the Holy Spirit, I am dependent on Christ alone. Today, I surround myself with friends who continually point me to Jesus. I am so thankful for the friends and church family that loved me when I was at my lowest. Now, it is my greatest joy to be a reflection of Christ and to share with others with similar stories the hope that is only found in Him.”
"I had a complicated relationship with my mother and hated her for the pain she caused me and my family. I worked hard to do everything I could to avoid her anger and abuse. I did everything possible to earn my parent's love by becoming a picture-perfect daughter. Failure of any kind or disappointing others, especially my Dad, was not acceptable. I became a straight-A student, senior class president, and earned a full tennis scholarship, but no one was aware of the self-condemnation and pain that loomed behind my smile.
"In college, I heard the Gospel presented for the first time. The tennis coach who recruited me taught me about God's Grace and unconditional love. I made Jesus my Lord and Savior on that campus when I was 18. I learned that I had to do nothing to earn my salvation or God's love but simply believe in His Son, Jesus.
"My newfound faith did bring me a sense of peace for a while, but, in my mind, it also brought another set of rules to follow and someone else for me to try not to disappoint. I quickly fell back into a pattern of trying to earn my worth, even with God. As I fell short of the perfection I wanted to now have for God, the suicidal thoughts returned, and I would release my emotions through tennis.
"In college, I got into a relationship where I crossed a lot of boundaries. This caused great shame, guilt, and further self-loathing, but I so desperately wanted love and longed to have a family of my own that looked different from the one I came from. I convinced that boy to marry me, believing he would rescue me and lead me to happily ever after.
"With tennis becoming a much smaller part of my life, my struggle with depression escalated. I placed high expectations on my husband and, later, my two beautiful, precious children. I looked to them to fulfill me instead of trusting God to meet my needs, and my depression continued to escalate. In marriage, we struggled, and I felt broken and unworthy.
"After 27 years, my husband asked me for a divorce. I was living my worst nightmare. Everything I had found my identity in was stripped away; everyone who I depended on for love was gone, and I was no longer needed. I hit rock bottom. I spent five days on a psychiatric floor in a hospital after an unsuccessful suicide attempt.
"Several years later, I shared my struggles with a close friend who was attending the Springs. She introduced me to a friend who had just completed re:generation, a recovery ministry at their church. This friend shared her story with such authenticity and hope and invited me to attend on Monday nights.
"My first night at re:generation was intimidating. We met in a large room, and there were not a lot of people there. There was really no place to hide. During those first few weeks, I began to trust God again. Then, I woke up to the unforgiveness that had blinded me from my own sin. Shame, fear, and guilt built a fortress around my heart.
"As God revealed my sins of pride, fear of man, self-righteousness, anger, and codependency, I finally embraced the truth that Christ died for me while I was still a sinner. And I began running toward greater healing in Him, hopeful that the guilt and shame would continue to fall off as I did.
"I used to view "repent" as a negative word. Instead, I now see repentance as the avenue to opening my heart to God's kindness. Through re:gen, I finally accepted that Grace is freely given. I learned that the unconditional love I had longed for my whole life was only found in my relationship with Christ! The Springs became a home for me, a place where I was loved, accepted, and encouraged to "never be the same" because of Christ's love!
"As I daily abide with Christ, His Spirit continues to enable me to extend forgiveness and frees me from years of struggling with depression, isolation, bitterness, and resentment. Now, I am no longer defined by my work, performance, family, or divorce, and I am engaging in life in a whole new way. I aim to lean fully on the Spirit that God has given me, and my soul has truly felt its worth.
"My heart and mind have gone through a complete transformation. I have authentic relationships and can step into conflict instead of running away. I can ask for forgiveness from others without the fear of losing a relationship with them or their love. I can offer true kindness and forgiveness to others because of the love and forgiveness Christ has shown me. Through the power of the Holy Spirit, I am dependent on Christ alone. Today, I surround myself with friends who continually point me to Jesus. I am so thankful for the friends and church family that loved me when I was at my lowest. Now, it is my greatest joy to be a reflection of Christ and to share with others with similar stories the hope that is only found in Him.”